I've been thinking about it for months now. I am going to write this all down with rational thought before my emotions later get the best of me and I sentimentally regret my decision. I've grown out my dreads for 7 month now and have been sneakingly cutting some and combing them out. They are heavy, unkept and, no matter how many times I wash them, smelly. This makes me feel...heavy, unkept and smelly. I now want to feel free and light, clean and simple.
They have been through so much with me, grad. school, teaching, dating the man I'd marry, my wedding, having a baby, and burying my daddy. They've swam in many oceans and been twirled by many hands. They have started a bajillion beautiful conversations with many beautiful people. They have walked before me into rooms and people's impressions and have told them I am confident, creative, accepting of other cultures, brave, wild, natural, bold, strong, and beautiful. I thank them for that. It's as if my dreads have told my students at school that "my arms are wide open to you." My students, who at so many times feel like aliens to me, found common ground and comfort from my hair. I will miss their silent, loud introduction and portrayal of me to people I don't know. I will miss being 'the girl with dreads' and being easily seen in a crowd by people looking for me. I hope I do not lose my sense of power and strength from chopping off 5 years worth of hair.
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| Jovi giving them a goodbye squeeze. |
I most loved when they offended people. I loved when older people and very white people looked at me confused and said or thought "Why doesn't she cut them off?". I loved the snobbery they provoked. The lady who asked me if I'd like to work for housekeeping instead of having my wedding at her lame-yuppo golf course. The mailman who asked me assholely on my front porch if I spoke Ebonics too. The gorgeous Jamaican woman in Belize who hugged me so deeply as if Id known her my whole life and smiled at me so big and warmly as she played with my hair. She told my husband he was a lucky man. No other white lady walking into their country received such a warm welcome. When I walked into an art gallery and told the worker that I liked to paint and she said, "Of course you do." I will miss the constant "glares" and double takes from big, beautiful black men or swoony stares and comments from the fellas from a drug/alcohol/punky/hippy scene. The awkward moments from women who misunderstood my confidence and hit on me. The constant moments of being asked for a lighter. The teenagers in grocery stores, shopping malls and hallways who with jealousy or curiosity say, "How long did that take?" or "They look really cool." The snobbercrombie/hollister-ballesster guys who thought/said my hair was gross and repulsive and my favorite abercrombie-loving man who thought they were hot. I most appreciated the magic door they opened for me with my beloved African American sisters who may not have otherwise known that I was so very approachable, accepting and in love with their culture. I love black hairshops. I will miss them so. I love being the only white person in a salon. I love getting my hair done with a crochet hook instead of a straightener. I loved that the students, teachers and even principal thought I was the art teacher. I loved my sweet moments with Jovs as she'd twirl my dreads in her teeny fingers and sweetly, calmly stare right in my eyes. Thank you dreadlocks for the many,many memories. Thank you for helping me to feel the most like myself then I ever have in my life. I am comforted by the fact that I have dear friends who have tightened my dreads and will gladly put them right back in if I'm not as comfortable with my hair in strands. Thank you dreads for reassuring in me that I am brave, strong, creative and wild. Thank you dreads for looking so good with ribbons and pearls on my wedding day that I had dreamed about. Thank you for needing so little attention while my baby needed every second of the day in the beginning. I am excited about my next hair story. I'm excited to now have the shortest hair that I have ever had in my life. So hair spikes I welcome you. Let the story begin.
