The day of the awaited interview comes but I wake up with indifference instead of excitement. This is just very weird. This job is the most logical, best paying, least time-consuming, most my passion and just makes the most sense for goodness sakes!! and I finally get the interview. I had good coffee/reading/discussions with God about my contradicting self while Jovi ate her breakfast. I get on my nice suit (with the tags still on it) with shiny shoes and get Jovi equally dolled up because it makes me happy. I savored every little moment with Jovi this morning for whatever reason and got all teary eyed for no reason. Then on my way to drop off Jovi to be watched while I am interviewing, the song by lovely Darius Rucker, "It won't be like this for long" comes on. I tried to turn it and was completely powerless. UGH! The words of that song just beat me up inside. Don't anybody watch the video. My nice professional self got ruined by mascara. "Get yourself together, Amy! This is what people do! They have kids and they go to work all day to pay for the kid. It will be all right." I get sadder because I wish I could call my dad but if he were alive, his comments wouldn't be encouraging anyway. But he'd give me a good 'buck up, kid.' So by the time I drop off my pumpkin and then get to the interview, I was mentally exhausted just from thinking. My thoughts actually leave me winded as if I just exercised. The interview went fine, not amazing and not terrible just middle of the road, I'd say. Just like always when I'm about to get what I thought I wanted, I think of all the things I then won't be able to have. (I told you life always feels like a Choose your own adventure novel to me.) So I of course think what I won't have if I get the job: my cherished mornings with Jovi, my cavalier cuddling time, my Jovial play time, laughing in the sun room before the heat of the day, watch Jovi crawl around and chase Mr. Lunch, the front porch in the afternoon and Jovi stares down all the neighborhood kids that she will play with soon as she can catch up to them. I almost felt like crying again. Then another Hootie song comes on as I leave the interview "Alright". (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etr7UtnUflM&ob=av2e) It's about all the things in life you don't need and how he already has everything he wants. UGH! I should stay home, be poor and it will be all right. alright. I stop at my house quick and get out of the nice suit because I will be taking it back (gasp!) tomorrow and cleaned all the marks from the shiny shoes which (gasp! gasp!) have to go back as well. I've never done this before don't be to mad at me. Then I go back out to pick up my delicious Jovi. The 'Alright' song plays again during dinner and it cheers up my churning spirit. So we'll see what happens next. I'm sure it will all work out fine.
Sidenote coincidence: Today Jovi took her first 6 steps in a row and today Jovi took her first 2 major falls one off a couch and one off a porch. :( Neither falls would have happened if I didn't have the interview. But it's all right. alright! I got a roof over my head, the fella I love laying in my bed and it's all right...all right. I got shoes under my feet..."
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and what do you think about that?